Well...happy new year. It's going to be an interesting year, full of nervousness and running, vast changes, movings on, and of course, a brand, shiny new Doctor.

I'm trying my hardest not to cry.

Really, it's just a TV show. He's only an actor, just a guy on a TV show I happen to adore watching, and previously, had adored watching no matter what actor happened to be in the lead. Tom Baker was my first, and therefore will always be tied for my favorite, Peter Davidson was brilliant, as was, in my opinion, Sylvester McCoy. Paul McGann was pretty much the best part of the 96 TV movie, and as I grew up I began to explore the fantastic preformances of the late, great William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, and Jon Pertwee, and even came to warm up to Colin Baker. When the series revived in 2005, I was utterly captivated by Christopher Eccelston's preformance, enough to scour the internet for several weeks in search of a copy of "Rose" I could watch 17 times in one day. My love for Doctor Who became an obessesion, one that transended any individual Doctor, companion, or somewhat dodgy, most likely subjective peice of disputed canon.

But there was something about David.

I'm not sure what it was, exactly. I was devistated when I found out Christopher Eccelston was leaving, and was only comforted when I saw a publicity still of David Tennant in Christopher's costume during The Christmas Invasion. For some reason, that little peice of transistion helped, and I began to wonder more about what was to come and worry less about what had been. I missed The Christmas Invasion, and thus my first exposure to his Doctor was the first episode of series two; New Earth.

Again, I'm really not sure what it is about the episode that caught me. I spent the first few minutes of it trying to picture Christopher Eccelston delivering his lines and checking to make sure it made sense, just to make sure they were still the same character. But by the time he said "I'm the Doctor" for the first time, I'd abandoned that, and immediately beleived him.

From that one episode, I became facinated by him. I started simple, looking him up on Wikipedia, visiting his website, checking to see what else he'd been in, and re-watching the fourth Harry Potter movie. I was never really the type to get hooked on celebrities, or obsessed with specific actors, for the most part, I didn't really care. I liked a preformance and appreciated it then, but after that, I didn't really need to know. But with David, I'm not sure what happened. After a while I started reading articles of his website, interviews, radioshows, talkshows, anything that him on it. He was witty, and smart, and in the begining at least, nervous about his current good fortune. His obsession with Doctor Who riveled my own, as did his passion for theater and acting, and after a while I just...I don't know. I liked him.

Everyone has a celebrity crush. Everyone. Don't try to deny it, even if it's never become a full-fledged attraction, you've noticed an actor, or a singer, or some person in the public eye, and done a bit of a double take. I never thought I would be one to fall for someone I've never met, but I think, for a little while at least, I did. Leave it to me to develop a celebrity crush on a celebrity practically no one over here has ever heard of. 

It was his acting that attracted me first, his portrayal, which much like the rest of this entire story, I have no idea why I warmed to so much. There was something about his delivery, something about the energy he brought to it, the quirkiness he added to the part. He wore the same shoes as me. The limitless expression of his face, the way he could shift his emotion in mid-sentence with nothing but his eyes. He was just...brilliant. There was no denying it, for me at least, he was a fantastic actor. It was around this time I started developing insomnia, probably not helped by the fact that I would stay up far, far too late at night scouring YouTube for just about anything he'd ever been in. But 2007, I'd seen just about everything he'd done caught on film, as well as heard every audio he'd ever appeared in, and read every interview he'd ever gave.

David Tennant has been my escape for a while now. If I had a crappy day I could come home and watch some show he'd been on, some interview he'd given, or even just an episode of Doctor Who. For someone I've never actually met, he's been a rather big part of my life for the past four years. I knew from the begining the moment would come that he would decide to leave the show and I always thought, if he'd just last till I graduated high school, I'd go to college, lose interest, and it would be alright. I let myself become attatched because I was sure that would happen. And now, lasting past my high school graduation, his leaving is devistating.

Why can't I seem to let go? Why can't the distractions of my life tear me away from an actor and a TV show both stationed on a completely different continent? Why am I still stuck on him? Is it fandom? I only really discovered online fandom, forums, livejournal, everything I do in my freetime, because of my renewed obsession, is that the reason? Why can't I be excited for the next man, and why can't I put the fun of scouring the web for signs of David behind me?

You know, today would be the perfect day to get picked up by the Doctor.

I mean, seriously. I have SO much stuff I should be doing right now. I should be reading the two contrasting versions of "The Yellow Dog" for class today, I should be revising two different papers, frantically trying to master new verbs and vocabulary, defining 75 terms for Comparative Religions, writing my essay, filling out applications, writing prompts, responding to tags, really the list goes on and on and on of stuff I should be doing, or should have been doing, but haven't been and are not. I've hit rock bottom, I've gotten to the point where I just can't seem to finish anything, let alone do anything important. Nothing's getting done, I'm behind on everything I do, and you know what, I still have rehearsal till five tonight.

So really, if the Doctor ever did decide to come to New England, and happened to land in my tiny, insignificant town (probably over in that little alleyway we have over by the river) which was, of course, being overrun with Sontarans or Daleks or something, and I just happened to be around avoiding work to help him, and he just happened to ask me to come with him, today, I would so say yes. In a heartbeat.

It would be a bit like Martha, actually. I wouldn't exactly want an escape exactly, not really. All I want is a break. Just a season's worth of adventures so that I can then go back to this mess I'm in stronger, more mature, and a bit more clever than I am now. I wouldn't want to run away from it all, because unless you're the Doctor, that never works, I'd just want a break. Just a bit of time to sort my life out a bit, so that I could come back and fix it properly.

So if you're the Doctor (and I mean really the Doctor, not an RP Doctor or anything) and by some bizarre miracle of the BBC you do happen to be real, please consider the addition of an angsty-needs-to-figure-her-life-out-and-just-freaking-finish-something girl to the TARDIS? I'd be really good! I wouldn't touch anything, I like to run, I always wear sneakers, oh! And I'm blond! Really, I'm perfect!

Dear God or whoever happens to be listening, please just let me do a few things right today. Please.

So, you know the drill. Comment with your answers, and then post these questions in your own journal so other people can answer them It's fairly straightforward, really.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What did you most want to be or do when you were a kid?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable, and best way to prepare it?
06) What was the last book you read, and did you like it?
07) Any siblings, and if so, what's your birth order (oldest, youngest, middle, etc)?
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
09) Any more you'd like to get?
10) Favorite band or musician?
11) What is your favorite sport? (Or board game, if you're not a sports fan)
12) Liberal or conservative?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) One weird or wonderful fact about you?
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What would you do if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Where in the world are you located?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Are you more likely to end up my partner in crime, or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have? Hair?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle, can, or draft beer? What kind? (Or soda, if you're not of age or don't drink)
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
28) One place in the world you've always wanted to visit?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Dream job?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Religious identity, if any?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

And since, apparently, my answers were too long to fit in a comment, here are my answers:

( Answering Powers Return!! )

So, despite the fact that I have no lines and am basically playing a completely mimed, silent role (What was it I was saying I was the worst at? Oh yes! Miming!) I got bored after rehearsal and figured I'd fill one out for this one anyway because, technically, I'm supposed to do one for any character I play no matter how big or small the role is.

So, here's the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. Enjoy.

Full Name: The Enchantress
Birthday: A very long time ago.
Birthplace: Far away.
Current Location: France
Heritage: Um, magic?
Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/Blond
Right or Left Handed: Right
Major Strength: Her unlimited, infinite magical powers.
Major Weakness: Asparagus.
Fears: None.
Life Goal: To bother annoying princes.
Dream Profession: Goddess.
Actual Profession: Enchantress (still a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me)
Favorite Meal: Amish friendship bread.
Coffee Drinker: Probably not.
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: White wine.
Has Character Been in Love: No
Is Character Attractive: Oh yes.
Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: Oh yes.
Healthy Habits: Teaching rude, annoying princes a lesson.
Unhealthy Habits: Turning rude, annoying princes into beasts.
Favorite Movie: The Tenth Kingdom
Vices: Magical Roses.
Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): None.
Number One Regret: None

So, I recently discovered this Dream Avatar thing, I think it's for Gaia, and after I made a little mini-Ten, I decided it would be fun to make a few more. Two hours later, I have two for me, and one for a bunch of characters I've played on stage.

I'm...er, putting them behind a cut since there's sort of a lot of them.

Hooray for memes! I er, know I just did an entry (and seriously, it was stirring and thought-provoking, and well...you know the drill) I figured I'd do this because I'm a bored insomniac who is stuck watching her younger sister tomorrow and has nothing to do. So! Here it is, your basic friending meme, I think:

Name: Nelly
Age: Tell you later.
Location: God knows.


Fandoms: Er...Doctor Who, Blackpool, Angels in America, Firefly, Pushing Daisies, Sailor Moon, X-Files, Shakespeare (if that counts)
Ships: Doctor/TARDIS
Anti-Ships: What? Um...Doctor/Master?
Music: The Beatles, Keane, Kaiser Chiefs, The Wombats, Amy Winehouse, Coldplay, Elvis Costello, Mika, Queen, and much, much more.


Journal Status (FO,public etc): Public, I don't really post anything worth hiding.
Friending Policy: I'll friend you unless you're creepy. In which case, I won't.
Anything Else?: Um...not particuarly. Should there be?

Is seriously going to bed now.

I would just  like to pose my complete and utter hatred of any and all forms of screws, nails, nuts, bolts, washers, and anchors.

And sockets. But that's totally different.

That is all.



Ok, I lied. I hate pesto too. And insomnia. And Eric Roberts.

But mostly pesto.


Maybe if I look at the pesto long enough, and repeat the name of  it over and and over again, I'll disorient myself, and I won't see it as pesto anymore, since the word itself will start to sound strange and alien to me, maybe  then I'll finally learn to like the key ingredient that so many before me have loved and enjoyed through a simple shifting of my own personal philosophy.

Or maybe I just really hate pesto.


The world may never know.

So, I took a final exam yesterday, and one of the questions was

The Periodic Table of Elements is organized into:
a.) Lines
b.) Periods
c.) Colums
d.) Liney, whimy things.

Honest to God, that was letter D. It made me laugh, for a few seconds, and then went on to the next question. Made exams a lot more interesting, if anything =D

Like seriously. I had one a few years ago...um, I can't remember what the play was, but I know it involved some sort of green costume and I was, from what I can remember, in it. But anyway, I had one during this play, like in between shows or something, and it was really, ridiculously good, and I remember really looking forward to trying another and they promptly discontinued it.

Because that's what Pizza Hut does.

Um...I'd also like to say that Midnight was really awesome beyond all reason and I want David Tennant's acting abilities. The amount he managed to say, with no words, just with his eyes. No movement, not even much eyebrow action, just one unmoving stare, that managed to change purely through the emotion behind it.

Words can't quite describe how brilliant this was. If left to my own devices, I will end up ranting about this for hours on end. Trust me. As I sort of have a final paper to write, though, and a million threads and prompts to catch up on, I really should end this here.

So yeah, P'zone and Midnight brilliance. Woot.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've got to be kidding me.

Apparently, the BBC have just issued a "statement" or something (actually, it was a FAQ page) wherein they tackle the question "Is the Doctor Half-human?" and their response is "Yes, on his mum's side. It was established in the TV movie; though purists tend to disregard this."

First of all, though I am completely and utterly obsessed with Doctor Who in every possible way, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a purist. I'm open to pretty much any change in canon, anything the production team wants to throw at us, I'm typically good with.

But this...this is my one exception. I've always had issues with the whole "half-human" thing, in anything, not just Doctor Who. It dates back to when I was little and watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" all the time. In that, Sabrina, who I always thought was the coolest character, was half witch/half mortal, and it used to constantly infuriate me that she wasn't completely a witch. I don't know why. I'd sit there and get completely enchanted with some cool magical thing, she'd do something really cool and wierd and bizarre, and then just when I was completely in awe, they'd pull it down again and be all "Oh, but she's still half-mortal, what a shame." For some reason, it wasn't nearly as cool.

From that point on I became increasingly frustrated with the amount of  characters that ended up being half-human. The whole "I'm half this, but half that, where do I belong" or the even worse "I can't do that, the half of me that's human makes me too weak" conflict bothered me more and more the more times I encountered it, culminating at the point I just happened to stumble upon the Doctor Who TV movie.

Now the Doctor had always facinated me. Totally alien, in every sense of the world, he was mysterious and bumbling and bizarre.  He was one of the few characters that  were still completely otherworldly, which I thought was brilliant.

And then I saw the TV movie.

I thought it was awesome, I'll just say that to start. I liked Paul McGann's Doctor, I loved his Doctor. I loved a lot about that movie. Amnesia? Sweet. Kissing Grace Holloway? Sweet. None of that bothered me, till they went all "The Doctor is half-human!" and I was about ready to crawl into a hole and die (ok, not really, even I didn't take it that seriously) It was like every fandom-related issue of my childhood all over again! I couldn't do it. I couldn't let my one alien character, my favorite character, go down the route of so many others.

So I did the one thing I swore to myself I would never do. I ignored it. Yes, it was technically canon, but since no one had confirmed it, I could get away with it. I don't usually ignore canon, I don't usually just gloss over things, and I'm usually very, very open-minded. But this...this was a deep seeded issue of mine, that no matter how many times I tried to ignore wouldn't seem to go away. I lived terrified that the new series would mention it, or have a line about it or something.

And now here I am. Sounding stupid, ignorant, stubborn, and totally unlike myself. Stuck in the past and refusing to look into the future. A half-human Doctor. I have tried to accept it, I've tried to make peace with the idea, but for some reason, I can't seem to let myself.

The Doctor is half-human, the Doctor is half-human, the Doctor is half-human.

*shudders uncontrollably*

I've got a lot of work to do on this. I'm very, very sorry.

Flamingos.
 

I would just like to announce that I officially except the Doctor as my personal savior. Any attempt at converting me otherwise will result in being either bound forever in chains forged from the heart of a dwarf star, or in being eternally trapped in a mirror.

So there. Take that.

That, er, image was by schattenmond , btw, in case you were wondering.

Ok, so here's the second in the STUNNINGLY AMAZING series of questions I'm supposed to be filling out for every character I've ever played. This is my current character...sort of. I'm still doing Mother Courage right now, still playing Yvette, but at the same time I've also just been cast in this:

Full Name: Audrey Costello

Birthday: February 11, 1991

Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts

Current Location: Trinity Prep School, New England

Heritage: Probably English, it is New England.

Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/Blond

Right or Left Handed: Right

Major Strength: Her supreme knowledge of people, how they work, how they think.

Major Weakness: She doesn’t have any.

Fears: Losing her power

Life Goal: To gain as much power as possible.

Dream Profession: Something intellectually stimulating and of extremely high authority.

Actual Profession: Student

Favorite Meal: Tai curry

Coffee Drinker: She has no loyalties, no addictions, no dependence on anyone but herself

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Can’t drink.

Has Character Been in Love: Nope.

Is Character Attractive: Depends on your definition of attractive.

Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: A little. She cares about her appearance, but I don’t think she’s really concerned with attracting anyone.

Healthy Habits: Gets things done.

Unhealthy Habits: Manipulating people.

Favorite Movie: Doesn’t have one. Has better things to do with her time.

Vices: Hershey bars.

Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): Her ears are pierced, one hole only. No excessive piercings.

Number One Regret: Like weaknesses, she doesn’t have any.

The play is The Chocolate War based on the book. It's being done with the genders reversed, so all the male characters are female and all the female characters are male. I'm the main antagonist, which is pretty awesome. She used to be "Archie Costello" before the genders were reversed, and I got to pick the name. Not sure why I chose "Audrey", someone else in the cast suggested it, and it just sort of...fit, I guess. Audrey Costello. The great Audrey Costello, according to a line I have in my first scene.

I'm playing a villain. Sweetness. ^_^

So, in response to both the "Writer's Block" thing, and my sarcastically brilliant friend maniacal_math I now give you my Oscar's acceptance speech:

*Ahem*

"Thank you so much for thinking my stunning portrayal of the Dog in Seussical and a plate in Beauty and the Beast were worthy of an oscar. I'd like to take a moment to thank the little people (of Oz), the Academy (of Gallifrey) and Freddie Mercury. Before I faint and have to get swept off the floor by some janitor's broom, I would like to point out that the emergency exits are located there, there, and there, and would like to encourage you to use them, as the Hood Blimp I have hijacked will, in fact, be crashing into the building at anytime now. Praise Shakespeare, and thank you very much"

*Faints*

CHAOS!!

Crash!

*Lives again*

MORE CHAOS!!!


=P

[This is a prompt from my cousin. When I finished it, I didn't want to post it on my Blog for all the world to see, so I figured I'd post it here, where only about two people will see it. Feel free to comment, I don't really care.]

Am I? I don’t know. I may be wiser, knowing what I know, a little smidgen of what they might have been through. But I don’t know it all. I don’t know what they truly went through, I don’t know if I’m right. How can I what I did, pretend to be in a situation I barely understand, possibly compare to the real thing? How can I possibly claim I’ve had anywhere near the experience the people who actually went through it?

It felt like it, but I can’t.

I doubt I’m stronger. You’re always supposed to be “stronger” after traumatic circumstances, like one terrible thing means you can outlive them all. It’s like the old expression “seen one movie, you’ve seen them all” but you haven’t. You can’t go see Alvin and the Chipmunks and then claim you’ve seen every movie in existence, that’s impossible. Things still scare you after you’ve been scared. A car crash will be equally as scary before or after you’ve seen a movie about car crashes, you won’t find it any easier dealing with the death of a loved one even if you’ve had others die before them. I don’t know if it’s possible to actually, truly ever be stronger from anything. I know I certainly don’t feel stronger, but then as we’ve already pointed out, I wasn’t actually there.

Hardened. I’m not that. I’m far too over-emotional to be hardened. If was hardened, I could read The Diary of Anne Frank all the way through.

Which leads to the final, and quite possibly most difficult part of the question. Am I broken? It’s the one I think I’ve been trying to avoid. Who wants to admit they’ve been broken? And by a play. A stupid, silly play you do all the time, where nothing is real and it’s all theatrics, how can that possibly make you broken? A person who actually went through this wouldn’t have the chance to be broken, they die. Does that sound cruel? It is. It really, really is. But what happens after…if you simulate the experience, but instead of everything ending, it all continues. Not the gas chamber, not the torture part, but just…normal life. How do you go on? Do you just pretend it didn’t happen? How can you? Should you? Would it be more disrespectful to forget or to remember, and do you really want to be respectful at all?

And then, as you’re contemplating all this, trying desperately to figure it all out, you suddenly remember that you shouldn’t be contemplating it anyway because it doesn’t mean anything. You weren’t really there. It may have felt like it at the time, but it wasn’t real. Nothing happened. You weren’t in a gas chamber, you weren’t being killed, you weren’t…alone. You weren’t. No matter how much you thought you were, you weren’t, and nothing can compare to the real thing, nothing. You may think you know, but you don’t, I don’t, no one does. No once can. And that’s the cruelty of it. No one will ever know, and those who think they do are wrong.

Or are they? You never really know. In theater you try to simulate real life. You try to take a moment in time and portray it as truthfully as possible. Is it possible for that to go too far? Or am I just really over thinking myself? Am I right or am I wrong? Should I or should I not? Is it possible to walk away unscarred from something like this? Or do you have to leave it broken?

And if you do leave broken, if you do, by some miracle find out that’s ok to feel the way you do…can you ever be fixed?


 Apologies for being over-dramatic.

Basically, comment on this post and I'll give you five questions to answer, which you will then post the answers to on your journal. This is for ANYONE, even if you don't really know me, and you friended me like 8 million years ago and can't quite remember why, feel free to post and I'll ask you five questions.

In the mean time, here's a fake cut to my answers:

I lied today.

Perhaps, I'll learn someday

That things don't work the way you want

No matter how much you want

Things don't work that way


Don't tell things

Hiding as the phone rings

Feeling guilt

Trying not to wilt

Things don't work that way


You enjoy your time

I think you're mine

Things are hidden, things are seen

But nothing's the way you lean

Things don't work that way


You fail, you fall

You damn it all

You know you love it all the same

Life's a game

Things don't work that way


You may think this poem is bad

You may think the poet's mad

She knows she sucks

It's just her luck

Things don't work that way


I lied today

The lie was the way

The lie was all I ever knew

And then it blew

Things don't work that way


Now it's late

I look to fate

What happens to me now?

Do you know how?

Things don't work that way


I hope and pray

Spare me someway

Tell me I might come out ok

Do you know the way?

Things don't work that way


I may not be good

I'm not the way I should

But what if I know?

It's not a show.

Things don't work that way


A lie is there

When you don't care

And when you do

It hurts then too

Things don't work that way




As you can tell, I don't really do poetry. Please excuse this, I promise I'm not usually this bad/emo. Thanks :)

Debate class.

I'm sitting in debate class, for some reason in the back, despite the fact that I almost always sit in the front, and nobody's listening. Everyone's talking, everyone's chattering, no one's actually doing anything productive. And yet for some reason, in the midst of all this chaos, I'm nervous.

The teacher looks up from folding papers in the center of the room. "Nelly," she says, pointing to me, and it's then I remember that I have to do my final speech today. Without another word, I nervously begin speaking from my seat, despite that normally we usually preform speeches from the front.

"Depression hurts," I begin, since my speech in on Clinical Depression. No one's listening. Everyone continues being uncharacteristically unruly.

I try again.

"Depression hurts," I repeat, "Clinical depression is categorized by the American Psychiatric Association as..." Again, no one's listening, even my teacher isn't listening, but yells at me to continue anyway. I try, I try my hardest, but no one will listen, no one will pay any attention at all.

Then the bell rings. And instinctively I know we'll have to finish this some other time.

There's a flash, and I'm in bed, but not in my own bed, I'm in bed in the debate. No one's there. It's bright outside, but it's dark inside and I contemplate how it's the last debate class and I'm alone.

I'm alone in the debate room.

For some reason this bothers me. A lot.

I'm alone in the debate room.

I wake up. And for some reason, though I know I'm not, I still feel lonely.

Funny how dreams linger, huh?

    "Um...excuse me?" A timid voice said from backstage.
    "Yes, can we help you?" A voice more powerful this time, more intimidating spoke from onstage.
    "I would...er, I'm here for...an audition..."said the timid voice again.
    "Well ok, come out here and we'll see what you can do." A silence fell across the entire theater, not even a pin from the costumers backstage could be heard. Slowly, nervously,the timid girl walked to the center of the stage. The intimidating man, the director, sat at a table off to the side of the stage near the curtain. He was relaxed, his face expressionless. "What are you going to sing for us?" he asked blandly.
    "I'm singing...er, Over the Rainbow, from the Wizard of Oz?" She took a deep breath, as if glad she had simply remembered the name of the peice.
    "Ok, start whenever you're ready." The director leaned forward, resting is chin on his folded hands. The girl took one quick look at her surroundings, clearly noticing the dozens of stagehands and seasoned preformers watching her every move. Then, she began. She started quiety, the words barely understandable due to the quivering in her voice. After a few lines, she began to get more confident, getting used to the stage and her audience. By the time she was at the second chorus, she was loud and outgoing, with no sign of quivering. She smiled and started to have fun with her song, moving a bit and changing it from an audition to a preformance. As she sang the final line, she smiled and stood tall, awaiting whatever the reaction of the director. ( Read more... )