romana_dante

Obsession

2009-01-03T20:13:33Z

Well...happy new year. It's going to be an interesting year, full of nervousness and running, vast changes, movings on, and of course, a brand, shiny new Doctor.

I'm trying my hardest not to cry.

Really, it's just a TV show. He's only an actor, just a guy on a TV show I happen to adore watching, and previously, had adored watching no matter what actor happened to be in the lead. Tom Baker was my first, and therefore will always be tied for my favorite, Peter Davidson was brilliant, as was, in my opinion, Sylvester McCoy. Paul McGann was pretty much the best part of the 96 TV movie, and as I grew up I began to explore the fantastic preformances of the late, great William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, and Jon Pertwee, and even came to warm up to Colin Baker. When the series revived in 2005, I was utterly captivated by Christopher Eccelston's preformance, enough to scour the internet for several weeks in search of a copy of "Rose" I could watch 17 times in one day. My love for Doctor Who became an obessesion, one that transended any individual Doctor, companion, or somewhat dodgy, most likely subjective peice of disputed canon.

But there was something about David.

I'm not sure what it was, exactly. I was devistated when I found out Christopher Eccelston was leaving, and was only comforted when I saw a publicity still of David Tennant in Christopher's costume during The Christmas Invasion. For some reason, that little peice of transistion helped, and I began to wonder more about what was to come and worry less about what had been. I missed The Christmas Invasion, and thus my first exposure to his Doctor was the first episode of series two; New Earth.

Again, I'm really not sure what it is about the episode that caught me. I spent the first few minutes of it trying to picture Christopher Eccelston delivering his lines and checking to make sure it made sense, just to make sure they were still the same character. But by the time he said "I'm the Doctor" for the first time, I'd abandoned that, and immediately beleived him.

From that one episode, I became facinated by him. I started simple, looking him up on Wikipedia, visiting his website, checking to see what else he'd been in, and re-watching the fourth Harry Potter movie. I was never really the type to get hooked on celebrities, or obsessed with specific actors, for the most part, I didn't really care. I liked a preformance and appreciated it then, but after that, I didn't really need to know. But with David, I'm not sure what happened. After a while I started reading articles of his website, interviews, radioshows, talkshows, anything that him on it. He was witty, and smart, and in the begining at least, nervous about his current good fortune. His obsession with Doctor Who riveled my own, as did his passion for theater and acting, and after a while I just...I don't know. I liked him.

Everyone has a celebrity crush. Everyone. Don't try to deny it, even if it's never become a full-fledged attraction, you've noticed an actor, or a singer, or some person in the public eye, and done a bit of a double take. I never thought I would be one to fall for someone I've never met, but I think, for a little while at least, I did. Leave it to me to develop a celebrity crush on a celebrity practically no one over here has ever heard of.

It was his acting that attracted me first, his portrayal, which much like the rest of this entire story, I have no idea why I warmed to so much. There was something about his delivery, something about the energy he brought to it, the quirkiness he added to the part. He wore the same shoes as me. The limitless expression of his face, the way he could shift his emotion in mid-sentence with nothing but his eyes. He was just...brilliant. There was no denying it, for me at least, he was a fantastic actor. It was around this time I started developing insomnia, probably not helped by the fact that I would stay up far, far too late at night scouring YouTube for just about anything he'd ever been in. But 2007, I'd seen just about everything he'd done caught on film, as well as heard every audio he'd ever appeared in, and read every interview he'd ever gave.

David Tennant has been my escape for a while now. If I had a crappy day I could come home and watch some show he'd been on, some interview he'd given, or even just an episode of Doctor Who. For someone I've never actually met, he's been a rather big part of my life for the past four years. I knew from the begining the moment would come that he would decide to leave the show and I always thought, if he'd just last till I graduated high school, I'd go to college, lose interest, and it would be alright. I let myself become attatched because I was sure that would happen. And now, lasting past my high school graduation, his leaving is devistating.

Why can't I seem to let go? Why can't the distractions of my life tear me away from an actor and a TV show both stationed on a completely different continent? Why am I still stuck on him? Is it fandom? I only really discovered online fandom, forums, livejournal, everything I do in my freetime, because of my renewed obsession, is that the reason? Why can't I be excited for the next man, and why can't I put the fun of scouring the web for signs of David behind me?

romana_dante @ 2008-10-14T05:47:00

2008-10-14T10:01:54Z

You know, today would be the perfect day to get picked up by the Doctor.

I mean, seriously. I have SO much stuff I should be doing right now. I should be reading the two contrasting versions of "The Yellow Dog" for class today, I should be revising two different papers, frantically trying to master new verbs and vocabulary, defining 75 terms for Comparative Religions, writing my essay, filling out applications, writing prompts, responding to tags, really the list goes on and on and on of stuff I should be doing, or should have been doing, but haven't been and are not. I've hit rock bottom, I've gotten to the point where I just can't seem to finish anything, let alone do anything important. Nothing's getting done, I'm behind on everything I do, and you know what, I still have rehearsal till five tonight.

So really, if the Doctor ever did decide to come to New England, and happened to land in my tiny, insignificant town (probably over in that little alleyway we have over by the river) which was, of course, being overrun with Sontarans or Daleks or something, and I just happened to be around avoiding work to help him, and he just happened to ask me to come with him, today, I would so say yes. In a heartbeat.

It would be a bit like Martha, actually. I wouldn't exactly want an escape exactly, not really. All I want is a break. Just a season's worth of adventures so that I can then go back to this mess I'm in stronger, more mature, and a bit more clever than I am now. I wouldn't want to run away from it all, because unless you're the Doctor, that never works, I'd just want a break. Just a bit of time to sort my life out a bit, so that I could come back and fix it properly.

So if you're the Doctor (and I mean really the Doctor, not an RP Doctor or anything) and by some bizarre miracle of the BBC you do happen to be real, please consider the addition of an angsty-needs-to-figure-her-life-out-and-just-freaking-finish-something girl to the TARDIS? I'd be really good! I wouldn't touch anything, I like to run, I always wear sneakers, oh! And I'm blond! Really, I'm perfect!

Dear God or whoever happens to be listening, please just let me do a few things right today. Please.

Meme!

2008-09-24T03:41:32Z

So, you know the drill. Comment with your answers, and then post these questions in your own journal so other people can answer them It's fairly straightforward, really.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What did you most want to be or do when you were a kid?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable, and best way to prepare it?
06) What was the last book you read, and did you like it?
07) Any siblings, and if so, what's your birth order (oldest, youngest, middle, etc)?
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
09) Any more you'd like to get?
10) Favorite band or musician?
11) What is your favorite sport? (Or board game, if you're not a sports fan)
12) Liberal or conservative?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) One weird or wonderful fact about you?
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What would you do if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Where in the world are you located?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Are you more likely to end up my partner in crime, or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have? Hair?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle, can, or draft beer? What kind? (Or soda, if you're not of age or don't drink)
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
28) One place in the world you've always wanted to visit?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Dream job?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Religious identity, if any?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

And since, apparently, my answers were too long to fit in a comment, here are my answers:

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? Platonically? Yes. Multiple onces. Romantic relationships? Nope. Pathetically single and proud.
02) What did you most want to be or do when you were a kid? I wanted to be an actor so I could play Christine, and now...I, er, still want to be an actor so I can play Christine.
03) What talent do you wish you had? Any.
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? Pink champagne.
05) Favorite vegetable, and best way to prepare it? Carrots, cooked, and with a glaze. Yum.
06) What was the last book you read, and did you like it? The last book I finished, or am currently reading? The last book I finished was a DW book, which was very good since it was DW. At the moment, I'm reading Slaughter House Five, The Sinners Guide to the Evangelical Right, and Bell Du Jour all of which I'm liking a lot.
07) Any siblings, and if so, what's your birth order (oldest, youngest, middle, etc)? I'm the oldest of two.
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where. I have pierced ears, one hole. Um...I have "conjuguemos" written on my hand in green pen in an attempt to get me to remember to do my Spanish homework (it probably won't work...)
09) Any more you'd like to get? Not really. I'm not a big piercings person. I don't even really want a second hole, I'm happy with my one hole in each ear.
10) Favorite band or musician? Oh God, this is tough. Um...I really like Queen, and the Beatles, and Keane, and Mika, and Elvis Costello, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and the Police, and the Wombats, and surprisingly Amy Winehouse (really, don't ask) and Coldplay, every Broadway musical ever...really, I just like music in general.
11) What is your favorite sport? (Or board game, if you're not a sports fan) Apples to Apples!
12) Liberal or conservative? Liberal (Very liberal)
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? With you? I'd hug you and go "ZOMG YOU'RE HERE!!!!"
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? I don't know.
15) One weird or wonderful fact about you? I can ice skate, despite having never taken lessons.
16) Do you have any pets? My family does. Cats, mainly, Sneeze, Hunnemen, and Columbus. We also have two birds, Jay-Jay and Tippy, and about a million frogs the names of which I can't really remember.
17) What would you do if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? See elevator response.
18) What was your first impression of me? To be honest, I don't remember. They weren't bad, I remember thinking that you seemed nice, and maybe a bit scared because you were new. That day is sort of a blur, to be honest.
19) Where in the world are you located? New England. Where the frost lives. In September.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Figure, I wish I was thinner.
21) Are you more likely to end up my partner in crime, or my conscience? Um...I'm not sure. What illegal act are we committing?
22) What color eyes do you have? Hair? Green eyes, blond hair. Well, ok, it's really brown, but at the moment, it's blond.
23) Ever been arrested? Nope.
24) Bottle, can, or draft beer? What kind? (Or soda, if you're not of age or don't drink) Pepsi or Coke, from the fountain, preferably in Bugaboo Creek.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Pay for college.
27) What's your favorite place to hang out? Stage right.
28) One place in the world you've always wanted to visit? England
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Excluding theater? Write, draw, act, run, chat with you on Skype, not be at work?
30) Dream job? Actor
31) Biggest pet peeve? Fictional characters being half-human.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Um.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? I both believe and appreciate romance (despite not being a shipper)
34) Favourite and least favourite food? Favourite food: Breaded Chicken. Least Favourite food: Salisbury Steak
35) Religious identity, if any? Unitarian Universalist Agnostic
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Sure, why not.

Character Questions: Four

2008-09-11T01:23:43Z

So, despite the fact that I have no lines and am basically playing a completely mimed, silent role (What was it I was saying I was the worst at? Oh yes! Miming!) I got bored after rehearsal and figured I'd fill one out for this one anyway because, technically, I'm supposed to do one for any character I play no matter how big or small the role is.

So, here's the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. Enjoy.

Full Name: The Enchantress
Birthday: A very long time ago.
Birthplace: Far away.
Current Location: France
Heritage: Um, magic?
Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/Blond
Right or Left Handed: Right
Major Strength: Her unlimited, infinite magical powers.
Major Weakness: Asparagus.
Fears: None.
Life Goal: To bother annoying princes.
Dream Profession: Goddess.
Actual Profession: Enchantress (still a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me)
Favorite Meal: Amish friendship bread.
Coffee Drinker: Probably not.
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: White wine.
Has Character Been in Love: No
Is Character Attractive: Oh yes.
Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: Oh yes.
Healthy Habits: Teaching rude, annoying princes a lesson.
Unhealthy Habits: Turning rude, annoying princes into beasts.
Favorite Movie: The Tenth Kingdom
Vices: Magical Roses.
Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): None.
Number One Regret: None

Chibi People!

2008-08-13T18:42:38Z

So, I recently discovered this Dream Avatar thing, I think it's for Gaia, and after I made a little mini-Ten, I decided it would be fun to make a few more. Two hours later, I have two for me, and one for a bunch of characters I've played on stage.

I'm...er, putting them behind a cut since there's sort of a lot of them.

Ok, so this is me:

And this is also me:

This is Ten:

And these are a bunch of characters I've played:

Alma Threedle:

Chrissy Gullet:

Christina Goulet:

Giant’s Wife:

Yvette Pottier:

Yvette as the Countess of Starhemburg:

Audrey Costello:

Echo:

Meme!

2008-08-07T05:17:12Z

Hooray for memes! I er, know I just did an entry (and seriously, it was stirring and thought-provoking, and well...you know the drill) I figured I'd do this because I'm a bored insomniac who is stuck watching her younger sister tomorrow and has nothing to do. So! Here it is, your basic friending meme, I think:

Name: Nelly
Age: Tell you later.
Location: God knows.

Fandoms: Er...Doctor Who, Blackpool, Angels in America, Firefly, Pushing Daisies, Sailor Moon, X-Files, Shakespeare (if that counts)
Ships: Doctor/TARDIS
Anti-Ships: What? Um...Doctor/Master?
Music: The Beatles, Keane, Kaiser Chiefs, The Wombats, Amy Winehouse, Coldplay, Elvis Costello, Mika, Queen, and much, much more.

Journal Status (FO,public etc): Public, I don't really post anything worth hiding.
Friending Policy: I'll friend you unless you're creepy. In which case, I won't.
Anything Else?: Um...not particuarly. Should there be?

Is seriously going to bed now.

What does Nelly hate?

2008-08-07T04:55:08Z

I would just like to pose my complete and utter hatred of any and all forms of screws, nails, nuts, bolts, washers, and anchors.

And sockets. But that's totally different.

That is all.

Ok, I lied. I hate pesto too. And insomnia. And Eric Roberts.

But mostly pesto.

Maybe if I look at the pesto long enough, and repeat the name of it over and and over again, I'll disorient myself, and I won't see it as pesto anymore, since the word itself will start to sound strange and alien to me, maybe then I'll finally learn to like the key ingredient that so many before me have loved and enjoyed through a simple shifting of my own personal philosophy.

Or maybe I just really hate pesto.

The world may never know.

Heh, Chemestry

2008-06-20T17:47:45Z

So, I took a final exam yesterday, and one of the questions was

The Periodic Table of Elements is organized into:
a.) Lines
b.) Periods
c.) Colums
d.) Liney, whimy things.

Honest to God, that was letter D. It made me laugh, for a few seconds, and then went on to the next question. Made exams a lot more interesting, if anything =D

I Want A P'Zone

2008-06-18T03:02:08Z

Like seriously. I had one a few years ago...um, I can't remember what the play was, but I know it involved some sort of green costume and I was, from what I can remember, in it. But anyway, I had one during this play, like in between shows or something, and it was really, ridiculously good, and I remember really looking forward to trying another and they promptly discontinued it.

Because that's what Pizza Hut does.

Um...I'd also like to say that Midnight was really awesome beyond all reason and I want David Tennant's acting abilities. The amount he managed to say, with no words, just with his eyes. No movement, not even much eyebrow action, just one unmoving stare, that managed to change purely through the emotion behind it.

Words can't quite describe how brilliant this was. If left to my own devices, I will end up ranting about this for hours on end. Trust me. As I sort of have a final paper to write, though, and a million threads and prompts to catch up on, I really should end this here.

So yeah, P'zone and Midnight brilliance. Woot.

Please Allow Me To Rant

2008-06-12T01:17:29Z

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've got to be kidding me.

Apparently, the BBC have just issued a "statement" or something (actually, it was a FAQ page) wherein they tackle the question "Is the Doctor Half-human?" and their response is "Yes, on his mum's side. It was established in the TV movie; though purists tend to disregard this."

First of all, though I am completely and utterly obsessed with Doctor Who in every possible way, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a purist. I'm open to pretty much any change in canon, anything the production team wants to throw at us, I'm typically good with.

But this...this is my one exception. I've always had issues with the whole "half-human" thing, in anything, not just Doctor Who. It dates back to when I was little and watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" all the time. In that, Sabrina, who I always thought was the coolest character, was half witch/half mortal, and it used to constantly infuriate me that she wasn't completely a witch. I don't know why. I'd sit there and get completely enchanted with some cool magical thing, she'd do something really cool and wierd and bizarre, and then just when I was completely in awe, they'd pull it down again and be all "Oh, but she's still half-mortal, what a shame." For some reason, it wasn't nearly as cool.

From that point on I became increasingly frustrated with the amount of characters that ended up being half-human. The whole "I'm half this, but half that, where do I belong" or the even worse "I can't do that, the half of me that's human makes me too weak" conflict bothered me more and more the more times I encountered it, culminating at the point I just happened to stumble upon the Doctor Who TV movie.

Now the Doctor had always facinated me. Totally alien, in every sense of the world, he was mysterious and bumbling and bizarre. He was one of the few characters that were still completely otherworldly, which I thought was brilliant.

And then I saw the TV movie.

I thought it was awesome, I'll just say that to start. I liked Paul McGann's Doctor, I loved his Doctor. I loved a lot about that movie. Amnesia? Sweet. Kissing Grace Holloway? Sweet. None of that bothered me, till they went all "The Doctor is half-human!" and I was about ready to crawl into a hole and die (ok, not really, even I didn't take it that seriously) It was like every fandom-related issue of my childhood all over again! I couldn't do it. I couldn't let my one alien character, my favorite character, go down the route of so many others.

So I did the one thing I swore to myself I would never do. I ignored it. Yes, it was technically canon, but since no one had confirmed it, I could get away with it. I don't usually ignore canon, I don't usually just gloss over things, and I'm usually very, very open-minded. But this...this was a deep seeded issue of mine, that no matter how many times I tried to ignore wouldn't seem to go away. I lived terrified that the new series would mention it, or have a line about it or something.

And now here I am. Sounding stupid, ignorant, stubborn, and totally unlike myself. Stuck in the past and refusing to look into the future. A half-human Doctor. I have tried to accept it, I've tried to make peace with the idea, but for some reason, I can't seem to let myself.

The Doctor is half-human, the Doctor is half-human, the Doctor is half-human.

*shudders uncontrollably*

I've got a lot of work to do on this. I'm very, very sorry.

My Exuse For Not Being Online...

2008-06-01T05:34:14Z

Flamingos.

Thy Kingdom of TARDIS

2008-04-16T02:34:38Z

I would just like to announce that I officially except the Doctor as my personal savior. Any attempt at converting me otherwise will result in being either bound forever in chains forged from the heart of a dwarf star, or in being eternally trapped in a mirror.

So there. Take that.

That, er, image was by schattenmond , btw, in case you were wondering.

Character Questions: Two

2008-04-15T02:59:37Z

Ok, so here's the second in the STUNNINGLY AMAZING series of questions I'm supposed to be filling out for every character I've ever played. This is my current character...sort of. I'm still doing Mother Courage right now, still playing Yvette, but at the same time I've also just been cast in this:

Full Name: Audrey Costello

Birthday: February 11, 1991

Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts

Current Location: Trinity Prep School, New England

Heritage: Probably English, it is New England.

Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/Blond

Right or Left Handed: Right

Major Strength: Her supreme knowledge of people, how they work, how they think.

Major Weakness: She doesn’t have any.

Fears: Losing her power

Life Goal: To gain as much power as possible.

Dream Profession: Something intellectually stimulating and of extremely high authority.

Actual Profession: Student

Favorite Meal: Tai curry

Coffee Drinker: She has no loyalties, no addictions, no dependence on anyone but herself

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Can’t drink.

Has Character Been in Love: Nope.

Is Character Attractive: Depends on your definition of attractive.

Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: A little. She cares about her appearance, but I don’t think she’s really concerned with attracting anyone.

Healthy Habits: Gets things done.

Unhealthy Habits: Manipulating people.

Favorite Movie: Doesn’t have one. Has better things to do with her time.

Vices: Hershey bars.

Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): Her ears are pierced, one hole only. No excessive piercings.

Number One Regret: Like weaknesses, she doesn’t have any.

The play is The Chocolate War based on the book. It's being done with the genders reversed, so all the male characters are female and all the female characters are male. I'm the main antagonist, which is pretty awesome. She used to be "Archie Costello" before the genders were reversed, and I got to pick the name. Not sure why I chose "Audrey", someone else in the cast suggested it, and it just sort of...fit, I guess. Audrey Costello. The great Audrey Costello, according to a line I have in my first scene.

I'm playing a villain. Sweetness. ^_^

OMFG Teh Oscars!!

2008-03-01T06:28:45Z

So, in response to both the "Writer's Block" thing, and my sarcastically brilliant friend maniacal_math I now give you my Oscar's acceptance speech:

*Ahem*

"Thank you so much for thinking my stunning portrayal of the Dog in Seussical and a plate in Beauty and the Beast were worthy of an oscar. I'd like to take a moment to thank the little people (of Oz), the Academy (of Gallifrey) and Freddie Mercury. Before I faint and have to get swept off the floor by some janitor's broom, I would like to point out that the emergency exits are located there, there, and there, and would like to encourage you to use them, as the Hood Blimp I have hijacked will, in fact, be crashing into the building at anytime now. Praise Shakespeare, and thank you very much"

*Faints*

CHAOS!!

Crash!

*Lives again*

MORE CHAOS!!!

=P

Prompt: "Now, after all you've been through, are you wiser, stronger, hardened, or just broken."

2008-02-10T04:09:06Z

[This is a prompt from my cousin. When I finished it, I didn't want to post it on my Blog for all the world to see, so I figured I'd post it here, where only about two people will see it. Feel free to comment, I don't really care.]

Am I? I don’t know. I may be wiser, knowing what I know, a little smidgen of what they might have been through. But I don’t know it all. I don’t know what they truly went through, I don’t know if I’m right. How can I what I did, pretend to be in a situation I barely understand, possibly compare to the real thing? How can I possibly claim I’ve had anywhere near the experience the people who actually went through it?

It felt like it, but I can’t.

I doubt I’m stronger. You’re always supposed to be “stronger” after traumatic circumstances, like one terrible thing means you can outlive them all. It’s like the old expression “seen one movie, you’ve seen them all” but you haven’t. You can’t go see Alvin and the Chipmunks and then claim you’ve seen every movie in existence, that’s impossible. Things still scare you after you’ve been scared. A car crash will be equally as scary before or after you’ve seen a movie about car crashes, you won’t find it any easier dealing with the death of a loved one even if you’ve had others die before them. I don’t know if it’s possible to actually, truly ever be stronger from anything. I know I certainly don’t feel stronger, but then as we’ve already pointed out, I wasn’t actually there.

Hardened. I’m not that. I’m far too over-emotional to be hardened. If was hardened, I could read The Diary of Anne Frank all the way through.

Which leads to the final, and quite possibly most difficult part of the question. Am I broken? It’s the one I think I’ve been trying to avoid. Who wants to admit they’ve been broken? And by a play. A stupid, silly play you do all the time, where nothing is real and it’s all theatrics, how can that possibly make you broken? A person who actually went through this wouldn’t have the chance to be broken, they die. Does that sound cruel? It is. It really, really is. But what happens after…if you simulate the experience, but instead of everything ending, it all continues. Not the gas chamber, not the torture part, but just…normal life. How do you go on? Do you just pretend it didn’t happen? How can you? Should you? Would it be more disrespectful to forget or to remember, and do you really want to be respectful at all?

And then, as you’re contemplating all this, trying desperately to figure it all out, you suddenly remember that you shouldn’t be contemplating it anyway because it doesn’t mean anything. You weren’t really there. It may have felt like it at the time, but it wasn’t real. Nothing happened. You weren’t in a gas chamber, you weren’t being killed, you weren’t…alone. You weren’t. No matter how much you thought you were, you weren’t, and nothing can compare to the real thing, nothing. You may think you know, but you don’t, I don’t, no one does. No once can. And that’s the cruelty of it. No one will ever know, and those who think they do are wrong.

Or are they? You never really know. In theater you try to simulate real life. You try to take a moment in time and portray it as truthfully as possible. Is it possible for that to go too far? Or am I just really over thinking myself? Am I right or am I wrong? Should I or should I not? Is it possible to walk away unscarred from something like this? Or do you have to leave it broken?

And if you do leave broken, if you do, by some miracle find out that’s ok to feel the way you do…can you ever be fixed?

Apologies for being over-dramatic.

OMG Meme!! Stolen From maniacal_math

2008-02-05T01:10:59Z

Basically, comment on this post and I'll give you five questions to answer, which you will then post the answers to on your journal. This is for ANYONE, even if you don't really know me, and you friended me like 8 million years ago and can't quite remember why, feel free to post and I'll ask you five questions.

In the mean time, here's a fake cut to my answers:

1. I'm in a Cloverfield hype right now, so if there was a giant freaking monster destroying New York and you were right there, what would you do?
In all honesty, I would probably stand there, take a picture of it, hope to whatever deity happens to be listening that it doesn't kill Broadway, and then run away screaming. However, if the Doctor were to show up, and the giant freaking monster turned out to be an alien, I would totally help him out in the hopes that he'd be impressed and let me be his companion. I am blond, after all, I'm sure he'd take me, but then, I have a feeling I'm not a pretty enough blond, so I'd probably end up getting eaten by the monster. Well...no, I'm sure he'd save me, but he wouldn't take me with him. Damn.

2. If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?
I would hijack the Hood Blimp, rescue a certain friend I have trapped in a foreign country, take them to where ever they wanted to go, then fly to Stratford-Upon-Avon and see David Tennant play Hamlet with the Royal Shakespeare Company. And wait at the stage door for him to come out so I can get his autograph and say hello. Then I'd probably go to the Globe Theater, stand there in awe for a few minutes, head back to the Blimp, fly to Cardiff, break into Upper Boat, say hello to David again, and watch a day's filming. Since I apparently can do anything, I have a feeling they'd let me. And despite the fact that David will not be filming Doctor Who during his run as Hamlet, I'll time travel, because as I've already mentioned, I can do anything! Ha!

3. The universe has ended. You wake up and see nothing. What do you do?
Wander around the nothing desperately looking for something, then eventually realize there's no one. After that, it wouldn't matter. I can't kill myself cause there's nothing to do it with, I can't keep on living since there's nothing there for me to live with. I'm a social creature, I'd probably go insane.

4. If you could say one thing to anyone without any repercussions, what would that be? (And I mean no repercussions. Maybe this person gets amnesia the next day and can't get mad at your for it? I don't know.)
I'd tell my parents that I was actually very deeply affected by Anne Frank & Me, and that it still disturbs me and scares me today. I'd tell them why I don't like train tracks, why I can't read The Diary of Anne Frank all the way through, why I hate it when they joke around and say "hurry, hurry" in German, why I can't watch shows about the Holocaust, and how guilty I feel for feeling the way I do. I'd also tell them that despite all this, I still love theater, probably more than life itself sometimes, and that no matter how weird that might sound, I still want to continue doing it for the rest of my life.

5. You have your own TV show! What would it be?
A show about a girl, where the girl is the main character, there's something cool about her, like she's an alien, or she's telepathic, or time travels against her will like that guy in that book I'm reading, and the guy's just sort of left there to figure it all out. It's always the guy that gets to have the cool power or something, even in Pushing Daisies, which I ADORE, Ned's the one that has the power to bring people back to life, and Chuck's his girlfriend. There's no really angsty, funny, multi-dimensional female characters out there short of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

So there.

Cheers all.

Character Questions: One

2008-02-03T23:46:12Z

I give you the first in a series of questions I apparently am supposed to be filling out about every character I've ever played. Here's the one for the character I'm playing at the moment:

Full Name: Yvette Pottier

Birthday: Sometime in the 1600’s

Birthplace: Flanders

Current Location: Poland

Heritage: European

Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/ Strawberry blond

Right or Left Handed: Right

Major Strength: Her sexuality and cunning

Major Weakness: Fair-haired cooks

Fears: Not surviving the war

Life Goal: To survive and profit from the war

Dream Profession: Glamorous wife/entrepreneur

Actual Profession: Prostitute

Favorite Meal: Capon

Coffee Drinker: Um…I have a feeling they don’t have coffee in 1627

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Anything.

Has Character Been in Love: Yes

Is Character Attractive: At the beginning, yes, later on, no.

Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: Yes, but goes to great pains to think so.

Healthy Habits: Takes care of herself.

Unhealthy Habits: Well…there is all that sex…

Favorite Movie: Movies? What are movies?

Vices: Sex. And fair haired chefs.

Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): Pierced ears, I would assume, though I’m not sure…

Number One Regret: Following Pieter.

The play is called Mother Courage and Her Children by Brecht, which apparently means we're not supposed to technically be "in character" but we're supposed to answer all these questions about our characters anyway...go figure.

And yes. She's a prostitute. I'm playing a prostitute. Get over it.

Things Don't Work That Way

2008-01-18T05:17:53Z

I lied today.

Perhaps, I'll learn someday

That things don't work the way you want

No matter how much you want

Things don't work that way

Don't tell things

Hiding as the phone rings

Feeling guilt

Trying not to wilt

Things don't work that way

You enjoy your time

I think you're mine

Things are hidden, things are seen

But nothing's the way you lean

Things don't work that way

You fail, you fall

You damn it all

You know you love it all the same

Life's a game

Things don't work that way

You may think this poem is bad

You may think the poet's mad

She knows she sucks

It's just her luck

Things don't work that way

I lied today

The lie was the way

The lie was all I ever knew

And then it blew

Things don't work that way

Now it's late

I look to fate

What happens to me now?

Do you know how?

Things don't work that way

I hope and pray

Spare me someway

Tell me I might come out ok

Do you know the way?

Things don't work that way

I may not be good

I'm not the way I should

But what if I know?

It's not a show.

Things don't work that way

A lie is there

When you don't care

And when you do

It hurts then too

Things don't work that way

As you can tell, I don't really do poetry. Please excuse this, I promise I'm not usually this bad/emo. Thanks :)

A Dream

2008-01-16T21:59:13Z

Debate class.

I'm sitting in debate class, for some reason in the back, despite the fact that I almost always sit in the front, and nobody's listening. Everyone's talking, everyone's chattering, no one's actually doing anything productive. And yet for some reason, in the midst of all this chaos, I'm nervous.

The teacher looks up from folding papers in the center of the room. "Nelly," she says, pointing to me, and it's then I remember that I have to do my final speech today. Without another word, I nervously begin speaking from my seat, despite that normally we usually preform speeches from the front.

"Depression hurts," I begin, since my speech in on Clinical Depression. No one's listening. Everyone continues being uncharacteristically unruly.

I try again.

"Depression hurts," I repeat, "Clinical depression is categorized by the American Psychiatric Association as..." Again, no one's listening, even my teacher isn't listening, but yells at me to continue anyway. I try, I try my hardest, but no one will listen, no one will pay any attention at all.

Then the bell rings. And instinctively I know we'll have to finish this some other time.

There's a flash, and I'm in bed, but not in my own bed, I'm in bed in the debate. No one's there. It's bright outside, but it's dark inside and I contemplate how it's the last debate class and I'm alone.

I'm alone in the debate room.

For some reason this bothers me. A lot.

I'm alone in the debate room.

I wake up. And for some reason, though I know I'm not, I still feel lonely.

Funny how dreams linger, huh?

Rhapsody Theater: Part 1

2008-01-16T00:55:06Z

    "Um...excuse me?" A timid voice said from backstage.
    "Yes, can we help you?" A voice more powerful this time, more intimidating spoke from onstage.
    "I would...er, I'm here for...an audition..."said the timid voice again.
    "Well ok, come out here and we'll see what you can do." A silence fell across the entire theater, not even a pin from the costumers backstage could be heard. Slowly, nervously,the timid girl walked to the center of the stage. The intimidating man, the director, sat at a table off to the side of the stage near the curtain. He was relaxed, his face expressionless. "What are you going to sing for us?" he asked blandly.
    "I'm singing...er, Over the Rainbow, from the Wizard of Oz?" She took a deep breath, as if glad she had simply remembered the name of the peice.
    "Ok, start whenever you're ready." The director leaned forward, resting is chin on his folded hands. The girl took one quick look at her surroundings, clearly noticing the dozens of stagehands and seasoned preformers watching her every move. Then, she began. She started quiety, the words barely understandable due to the quivering in her voice. After a few lines, she began to get more confident, getting used to the stage and her audience. By the time she was at the second chorus, she was loud and outgoing, with no sign of quivering. She smiled and started to have fun with her song, moving a bit and changing it from an audition to a preformance. As she sang the final line, she smiled and stood tall, awaiting whatever the reaction of the director. "Ok, good. Now, here's a script, we're going to try some reading. Alexandra!"
    "Yeah Mark?" A tall teenage girl apeared onstage. She was completely at ease around the director, clearly a seasoned preformer at this theater.
    "Read with this girl please," said the director, handing her a script, "Go down to the end of the page and stop." Alexandra nodded and walked over to where the girl was. The confidence she had gained singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" left her when paired with a regular.
    "Now Anne, don't you dare speak to me like that!" Alexandra spoke her first line with the skill and confidence expected of a regular preformer. The girl was terrified, speaking her lines quietly and quivering. At the end of the scene, Alexandra smiled and shook the girl's hand.
    "Very good," said the director, "we're hoping to be done casting by the end of the week, we'll call you then. Have a good week, thank you." The girl's eyes dodged back and forth. Confused, she wondered if this was it. The director began talking to a stagehand, and the girl sighed and walked off the stage and through the theater. Alexandra watched her as she left. The girl walked quickly, almost running up the aisles of the theater. Once she reached the doors, she took one more look at the theater as a whole, the stage, the seats, the balconies and everything. She sighed, and left the theater.
    "Mark," Alexandra shouted across the stage to the director, "what'd she sing?
    "Over the Rainbow," he shouted offhand. Alexandra smiled.
    "A classic." she said under her breath, "Mark do you need me anymore?"
    "No, that was the last one for today, you can go."
    "Thanks!" Alexandra shouted back, knowing full well that she couldn't leave yet. She had a rehersal in an hour, if she left now, she'd just have to turn right around to come back. But then, wasn't that how it always was? Going back and forth between home and the famed Rhapsody Theater. She was there almost everyday, including weekends. She spent more time at the stage then she did at her apartment in Cassady. The theater should start charging her rent.
    "Alexandra!" A young man in loose jeans and a red t-shirt came up behind Alexandra, he smiled at her and put his arm around her waist.
    "Hello David," Alexandra rolled her eyes at him, "what's up?"
    "You got any more auditions today?" he asked
    "No, that girl was the last one, why?"
    "Want to do Othello's? Rehersal's not for an hour, right?"
    "Yeah sure, let me go get my bag though, and check my costumes..."
    "...and disinfect your dressing room, and scrub the hallway, and put up iron barracades infront of your dressing room..."
    "Shut up," said Alexandra, lauging and walking backstage, "give me five minutes,"
    "Five minutes," said David, "and I wasn't kidding about scrubbing the hallway, someone spilled somehting down there, I think I it was orange juice!" Alexandra laughed as she reached the door to the downstairs cast center. It was located underneath the theater through a door backstage. It consisted of a long hallway, on one side were twelve dressing rooms, the first of which was Alexandra's. On the other side, across from the dressing rooms, was a large room with costumes and couches and vending machines which acted as the cast lounge. A smaller room connected to that was the official costume room, though costumes seemed to have a habit of living in everyroom of the theater, including the bathrooms. Alexandra opened the door to her room and walked in.
It wasn't a large room, but it wasn't small compared to the others. It had one window, next to a large mirror on the wall across from the door. The mirror had a long counter attached to the bottom, with a chair infront of it. On the counter, makeup and hairspray and combs were spread about everywhere. Alexandra made a mental note to clean the desk next time she had a break. Her purse, a black bag with stars on it, sat on the counter next to an enormous bottle of hair spray. She grabbed it quickly and after quickly scanning the walls where her costumes hung, locked the door and started up the stairs.
    "Alexandra!" she heard someone say behind her. She turned around quickly, and saw that no one was there.
    "Did someone want me?" she yelled down the cast center corrider. No one replyed. She shrugged it off, and walked up the stairs and across the stage to where David was waiting for her.
    "You look shaken," he said, "What's wrong?"
    "I thought I heard someone calling me," she said, "But when I turned around, no one was there. And when I asked if anyone wanted me, no one answered."
    "Weird," said David, "but not entirly impossible, I mean we're in a theater. People shout things all the time that have no meaning. Maybe one of the stagehand's name is Alexandra. Though, I think we know most of their names..."
    "Let's just go," said Alexandra. She took David's hand and the two walked out of the theater and out the doors to the streets of Star City. About two buildings down from Rhapsody Theater, was Othello's Italian Resteraunt. The owner was a huge fan of the Rhapsody and gave it's regular preformers a discount. Needless to say, it's where most of the Rhapsody actors spent their break times.
    "Alexandra! David!" The owner was behind the counter today, he greeted the two regulars with open arms, "How you two doing? You on a break?"
    "Hi Tony," said Alexandra as she and David took their usual seats up at the bar, "we had an hour before our next rehersal, we though we'd do lunch."
    "Of course! Of course!" Tony took out a pad of paper and a pen from his apron pocket, "Now, what can I get for you two today, big plate of spagetti? Chicken parmigan? That's one of your favorites David."
    "Just a pizza for now," said David, smiling, "half pepperoni, half mushroom."
    "Anything to drink?" asked Tony.
    "I'll have a coke and Alexandra..."
    "I'll take the same," she finished quickly, "thanks."
    "Ok," said Tony, "I'll be back." He dissapeared into the kitchen, while another employee got Alexandra and David their cokes. The waitress was clearly new, as it took her two tries to get the fountain to work. When she finally got them their cokes, she looked suprised to see Alexandra.
    "Um...you aren't by any chance...Alexandra Beller, are you?" the waitress asked. Alexandra smiled, she was used to this in Star City.
    "Yes I am," she said. The Waitress gasped.
    "Ohmygoodness! I love your shows, I saw "Beauty and the Beast" over my vacation and I thought you were an amazing Belle!"
    "I remember that one," said David, "I was the beast."
    "Oh you were?" the waitress turned red, "I'm sorry, I didn't notice. You always had all that make-up on."
    "No worries," David laughed, "Alexandra was an amazing Belle though, did you see anything else of hers?"
    "Oh God yes," said the waitress, "I'm a huge fan. I saw "A Christmas Carol" at Christmas, you were a great Christmas Past. I saw "West Side Story"..."
    "Not my best one," said Alexandra, "I could never quite get Maria's accent down."
    "Well I thought you were brilliant," the waitress gushed.
    "Yeah," said David, "Most people do." Tony returned at that moment, and the waitress scurried silently away to get someone else's drink.
    "Talking to the new help?" asked Tony as he put Alexandra and David's pizza on the counter, "she's nice ain’t she?"
    "She's very...er...excitable," said Alexandra.
    "Alexandra's got groupies." said David.
    "Oh yeah, speaking of groupies," said Tony, "Someone came in here earlier asking for you Alexandra, a little girl."
    "A little girl?" asked Alexandra.
    "Yeah, she looked about eight or nine," said Tony, "wanted to know if "Alexandra Beller" had been here at all today. I told her that you hadn't yet but if she waited around you'd probably show up. Then she said thank you and left."
    "Did she leave a name or anything?" asked Alexandra.
    "Nope, just asked for you and then left. She went in the direction of the Rhapsody, I thought maybe she went looking for you there. I guess though, she didn't?"
    "No," said Alexandra, “The only little girl I saw today was the one I auditioned and she was at least thirteen or fourteen.”
    “No,” said Tony, “this girl was at most maybe nine years old.”
    “Well, I haven’t seen any nine year olds today,” said Alexandra, “but if I do, I will make sure to ask her what she wants.” The door to the restaurant opened and Tony left them to speak to the new customers. David and Alexandra talked between bites about anything they could think of, the Rhapsody, the director, dance shoes, stage lights, anything that popped into their heads. They finished the last of the pizza just in time to make it back for rehearsal.
    “Back to the stage?” Tony asked as they got up from their seats.
    “Where else do we ever go?” David asked laughing. They said goodbye to Tony and again, they were off. The Rhapsody Theater was currently performing the Tragedy of Macbeth with David in the role of Macduff and Alexandra in the famed role of Lady Macbeth. Macbeth himself was played by a man named Tom Wright who was nearly ten years older then Alexandra, who was suppose to be playing his wife. Alexandra liked the role of Lady Macbeth, but was rather anxious to have it over with. She had played the part for almost three months now and was tired of it and wanted to move on to something different.
The rehearsal she was attending today was for the Rhapsody’s latest production, Peter Pan. The show was in extremely preliminary stages, and many of the parts had yet to be cast. Alexandra herself was unsure what part she would be playing, though she had a strong suspicion that she would be playing Wendy.
    “Why Wendy?” asked David as the two walked into the theater.
    “It’s the kind of part I always seem to get,” Alexandra answered, “The lead female. The lead male’s love interest and full time damsel in distress. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing those kinds of parts, but it would be nice to just once in a while play something different.”
    “What about Lady Macbeth?” David pointed out, “She was different, she’s all seducing and manipulative and stuff, she even gets to go crazy at the end.”
    “Yeah but she’s still just the main man’s wife,” Alexandra sighed, “I just want a part that’s not attached to a guy that’s all.”
    “Alexandra you’re here!” Mark, the director came walking down the isle, “I want to talk to you, backstage.” He turned, midway in the isle and walked quickly towards backstage, “Now!” he shouted back. Alexandra ran up the isle to follow him backstage.
    “What’s up Mark?” asked Alexandra once she finally caught up to him.
    “It’s about the play, Peter Pan? It’s not cast yet and…”
    “Yes Mark, I’ll play Wendy.” Alexandra sighed and laughed, “God you’re so predictable. I was just talking about this with David…”
    “Actually,” said Mark, “I was kind of hoping you’d play Peter.”
    “Peter?” Alexandra was shocked. Why on Earth was Mark doing this? Was it a joke, or a test of her acting skills? To say the offer was unexpected would be an understatement.
    “The part is usually played by a woman,” said Mark, “and I thought it might be interesting to have you give it a try. What do you think?”
    “Er..well…it’s very different from what I play…” said Alexandra, “but I’ll try it.”
    “Good,” said Mark, “I took the liberty of having the costume sent down to your dressing room. Go down and try it on and talk to the costumer if there’s any problems. After you’re done, come up and join everyone else, ok?”
    “Ok Mark. I’ll be downstairs.” She walked across the stage, attempting to mouth the words “I’m playing Peter” to David with little success. She walked down the stairs backstage right, and into the first dressing room of the hallway. She closed the door and threw her bag onto counter. The green Peter Pan costume hung on the back of the door. She stared at it a moment and sighed. “Peter Pan,” she muttered, “What is Mark thinking?”
    “You did say you wanted to play a different kind of part.”
    “Yeah I know, but I…wait a minute.” She turned around quickly to discover that a little girl had somehow gotten into her dressing room. She was standing across the room from Alexandra, wearing a small, and flowing pink and purple dress that looked like a nightgown. She had strait brown hair, put up into pigtails. Overall, the girl was quite cute; Alexandra had to stop herself from saying “Awww…” when she saw her. Of the many questions going through Alexandra’s mind at the time, the only one that managed to come out of her mouth was,         “How did you get in here?”
    “I walked through the door,” the girl replied.

To be continued...

31 October

2007-09-17T21:13:02Z

Title: Ghost Town
Author:

romana_dante
Characters: Martha Jones.
Spoilers: Mild Sound of Drums and Last of the Time Lords.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Martha or any form of DW references, though I would love to own David Tennant.
Rating: G
Summary: On a cold Halloween, Martha walks through a deserted town and hears a noise. Do you believe in ghosts?
Author's notes: Rediculously sorry this is going up so late, I was having massive amounts of computer problems…still am, actually, but I managed to get this story onto a thumb drive! Yay! I’ve had this written for ages, since the middle of summer…I think. Hope you like it!
Dates Chosen: 31 October

31 October: The Ghost Town

The town was small and cold, and almost entirely deserted. There was a faint smell of apples in the air, mingled together with the overpowering scent of smoke and fire. The shadowy mist surrounding the small, wooden houses did nothing to temper the dark bleakness of the atmosphere, but Martha thought it appropriate. It was Halloween, why shouldn’t she spend it in a ghost town?

A year ago, the region she was currently traveling in was called New England, and existed somewhere in the North Eastern part of America. From what she had heard, it was normally a very quiet place, full of small, close-knit little towns with lots of people and pine trees. From what she could see, the region was living up to its name, the only lacking element being, of course, people.

But then, that was hardly New England’s fault.

Martha sighed as she walked down the road, alone. The town had been one of the first to be destroyed, all it’s people either fled or were instantly killed, but she was used to this kind of devastation. The silence no longer shocked her like it used to. A part of her wanted to believe that the growing sense of unease she experienced as she walked through the mist and the falling leaves was merely a reaction to the chill of the Northern climate. A different part of her knew that wasn’t true. She shivered, kicked a pile of multi-colored leaves, and moved on.

About half way up the road, she heard a loud crack behind her. She’d never admit it later, but the sound made her gasp, and it took her a moment to collect herself before turning around. The sound appeared to have come from nowhere, the only changed element of the landscape being the leaves blowing off the trees along the road. She breathed a sigh of relief and kept going.

A minute later she heard it again, this time louder. Once again she turned to be met by nothing and tried to keep walking, the sounds of the wind getting worse as it was joined by the deep cry of an owl. Her breathing quickened as she trudged further up the road, desperate to find a house with a roof still on it to escape the cold October evening. Then the noise came again, and Martha’s composure vanished.

Running wholly on instinct, as fast as her feet would take her, she raced up the road. Dead leaves crackled beneath her feet as the bitter cold wind whipped at the side of her face, but she didn’t care. All she could think about was finding shelter, finding a place that was safe, completely forgetting there was nowhere. Towards the end of the road, she came to a white, steepled church and without even bothering to check for traps, she ran inside and shut the tall wooden doors tightly behind her. She took a minute to catch her breath, closing her eyes and panting in front of the doors, then cautiously walked inside.

It was small, as were most structures in this region, though unlike anything else in that it was the one thing still completely intact. There were a few cracks in the walls, the paint on the pews was peeling, but other than that, it looked completely like one would expect a small church to look. At the head was a tall wooden pulpit with an alter off to the side towards the center. There was no cross, no star, no pictures of God, nothing to indicate what religion the church once housed. She thought it was empty.

“Hello?” She thought wrong.

“Hello?” Martha answered back cautiously. The voice had sounded human, there was no way it could have been Toclafane, though it had sounded very young…

“Hello,” a tiny head peaked around the corner of one of the pews at the head of the church, covered in long, curly blond hair, “trick or treat?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Which are you here for?” the little girl asked, stepping out fully and leaning up against the pew, “are you here for a trick, or a treat?”

“Why would I want…”

“It’s Halloween,” the girl interrupted, “that’s what you’re suppose to do, trick or treat. I like your costume, by the way,”

“Thanks,” said Martha, a bit confused, “But it’s not a costume, and I don’t think…”

“So which are you here for?” the girl insisted, “trick, or treat?” Martha sighed.

“I’m not here to trick you,” she said, “I’m here to help you. I’m Martha…”

“Martha Jones,” the girl finished.

“You’ve heard of me?”

“Everybody’s heard of you,” she looked down, her eyes becoming sad, “back when there was an everybody…”

“I’m sorry,” said Martha simply, the look in her eyes saying the rest.

“Thanks,” the girl replied. There was a pause, as if each were silently mourning the loss of the rest of the town, of the rest of the Earth, both torn and broken. Then the girl spoke, “Treat?” Martha sighed.

“If it’s the only other option,” the girl grinned.

“It is,” she sat down on a pew in the front as Martha followed and took a seat next to her. Martha’s eyes closed as she sat down, enjoying the momentary peace, and the rest from so much running. The little girl spoke and her eyes opened to look at her, “My name’s Abigail,” she said, “Abigail Williams, but you can call me Abby”

“It’s nice to meet you Abby,” said Martha, watching as Abby reached into a small, orange bag on the pew between them and pulled out a small, wrapped sweet to hand to Martha. Martha took it with wonder, “Is this real candy?”

“Yep,” said Abby, grinning as she pulled out a piece for herself, “As real as the world around us,”

“That,” said Martha bitterly, “Is completely unreal. Humans being slaughtered on their own planet in every direction, the rest having to hide in what’s left of their own homes for fear of being enslaved, that’s not real, that’s a nightmare come to life,”

“That’s terrifying,”

“I know,” Martha looked ahead, her eyes haunted, “All that death…all that destruction, and I…” she faltered.

“You what?”

“I was afraid of a falling branch and cracked leaves,” Martha’s face fell and she looked down towards the floor, “Give me a war-torn town full of enslaved humans, and I can free them in the face of death with no fear at all, but make me walk through a dark town at night with no humans, no enemies, no threats, and…I’m terrified. How’s that work?”

“It’s Halloween,” said Abby simply.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“You get scared on Halloween, it’s a fact, you’re supposed to,”

“But not…” Martha struggled to continue, “…it’s different, this time, under these circumstances. The entire world is counting on me right now, and if I get scared…”

“Then you’ll be scared,”

“But that’s the thing, I can’t be scared, not now…”

“And that’s what you’re afraid of,”

“What?”

“You’re afraid of being afraid. Your worst fear is that your courage won’t hold out and you’ll end up running away from this big thing you have to do to save the world, and everyone will die and it will all be because you got scared and couldn’t do it. That’s your worst fear, being scared,” she smiled and took a bite out of her candy, looking amused as Martha stared at her.

“How did you know all that?” Martha asked.

“I’m very smart for my age,” Abby replied.

“Apparently,” Martha sighed, and looked around her at the empty church. Not so long ago, this place was probably filled with people, laughing and talking and worshiping and celebrating…now there was no one. All that was left was a small girl all her own with nothing to console her but a bag of Halloween candy. Martha turned to look at her, “Do you think it’ll happen?”

“Do I think what will happen?”

“Getting scared, do you think I’ll get scared and run away?”

“Of course,” said the girl, smiling, “you just did,”

“But that was…”

“No it wasn’t,” Abby interrupted, as if reading her thoughts, “It was absolutely no different, you got scared, too scared, and you ran away and hid. It’s your worst fear, being too scared to carry on, and you’ve just lived it, you’ve just had to experience it and that’s what Halloween is all about, living your fears and facing them,”

“And there I thought it was about candy,” said Martha sarcastically.

“It definitely isn’t.” Abby looked at her sternly, as serious an expression as a small girl could possibly have on her face, “are you going to face it?”

“What?”

“Are you going to face your fear? Are you going to go back to what you were doing, go out and save the world, even though you got scared and ran away?”

“I…suppose I…”

“Because you know,” said Abby, reaching into her bag to get another piece of candy, “if you don’t face it now, on Halloween when you’re supposed to, you never will. You’ll end up staying here with me, and as much as I like you, I think the world would like you better,” Martha smiled.

“Thank you,”

“No problem,” Martha got up and stuck the piece of candy into her pocket.

“I suppose I should go now,”

“You probably should,”

“It was nice meeting you, Abby Williams,”

“You too, Martha Jones,” she grinned, and Martha grinned back, turning and walking towards the doors, “Happy Halloween,” the girl called back to her.

“Happy Halloween,”

Martha stepped outside the dark, wooden church and into the cold October air. It was even darker now, and strange noises filled the night as leaves rustled in the wind. The moon shown eerily behind the mist, as clouds covered the comfort of the night stars. She took a deep breath, and stepped down anyway, not wanting to look back.

About three steps from the church was a piece of white paper, blowing lightly with the leaves on the cold ground at her feet. She picked it up.

In loving memory of Abigail Williams 1998-2006

Funeral Service at the First Parish Church, October 31, 2006

There were raindrops on the program, and it took Martha a moment to realize it hadn’t been raining a second ago. Slowly, taking a deep breath as she did, she turned around.

She had thought it was odd that the church had been left standing, that everything but that building had been almost completely destroyed; now she knew why. The building was destroyed. Where there once was a steeple, and tall, beautiful wooden doors, there now stood rubble. Rain poured onto the debris of the First Parish church, and Martha nearly cried.

Then she saw it, tucked between two long pieces of white wood, right where the entrance would have been. A small, round pumpkin with a face carved into its surface, with a candle illuminating the inside. It remained lit through the rain, and smiling through the debris. A Jack-o-lantern hiding in the wreckage.

Martha reached into her pocket and clutched the wrapped piece of candy, wondering what exactly had just happened to her, and what exactly had been real in that moment. She stood in the rain remembering the girl’s words, she thought of her fear, and took out the candy. Walking forward, she dropped it on the ground next to the pumpkin, and watched the candle burn.

“Trick or treat,” she said quietly, and turned away.

Behind her, Martha left a trail of footsteps, which lingered despite the pouring rain. Next to them soon were other footsteps, smaller ones, the size of a small girl walking alongside her as she faced her fear in the shadows and mists of a ghost town on Halloween night.

Ninth Doctor Banner

2007-08-04T18:01:12Z

I'm a huge fan of the Tenth Doctor, my favorite since Tom, but there's not denying the utter brilliance of Christopher Eccelston as the Ninth Doctor. Fantastic actor, fantastic Doctor, and yes, it is a shame he only did one series before turning into Claude the invisible man on Heroes (which, I have to say, he's brilliant in as well) So, inspired by both him, and a LJ community I found recently called if_we_let_go which was created to explore the alien aspects of the Doctor (which I've always loved) I created this banner:

I've always loved that line, I tried to get the entire thing on there, but I couldn't. If you like it, feel free to take it and use it, just please comment to tell me you're doing so. My usual rule stands, do whatever the hell you want with it, as long as you comment. Credit is not required, but is very, very nice.

And when you get the chance, go over to if_we_let_go , it's a really neat community, with some awesome fics posted. If you like fics that focus on the Doctor's alienness, it's the place to be :D

Blackpool Icons and Banners

2007-08-03T14:45:47Z

So I was experimenting/procrastinating with photoshop today, and just happened to make a Blackpool banner and several Blackpool icons! There's not very many, but there are a few.

Previews:

And the Banner:

Hope you like them, feel free to do whatever the hell you want with them. Credit isn't needed, but it would be nice :D

Random Icons and Banners

2007-08-03T14:44:27Z

Basically an icon/banner dump, I made these over the course of about three weeks...give or take a few days. There's a bit of everything in here, some DW, some DT, lots of John Smith...hope you like them!
Previews:

And a few banners:

I hope you like them! Feel free to do whatever the hell you want with these, add text, effects, ect. Credit is not required, but would be nice :D

Catching Up

2007-06-28T15:49:57Z

Ok, so I've recently become very bad at updating this journal (I've written three fics in the last two weeks, all of which I posted in every journal but my own...go figure) so I'm staging a massive reboot. This may or may not mean I'll be updating...it sort of all depends on whether or not I get my act together this summer.

So, in short, expect changes. They may not happen, but you should expect them anyway on the offchance that they do. At least expect another fic or two, if no major changes. I'm babbling, sorry about that. Expect a lot of that too.

Oh, and can I take this moment to say, The Master, specifically, the Simm!Master...win. I heart the Master. The Doctor will always be my favorite Time Lord out there, but God, the Master is is a very close second. Woot!

Change is coming my dears, and not a moment too soon,

*Nelly*